People often share with me their fear of public speaking, sharing their content online or just being vulnerable in general. Then they ask me how they can be as comfortable as I appear online, all the while being so vulnerable. I always start off by sharing how nervous I was to simply write a sentence on Facebook for the first time in 2013.
Clicking POST was a completely nauseating experience for me as I feared what others would think of me.
February 22, 2016 I took another huge step in making my thinking visible –– I started a blog. So for this post, I'd like to share my very first attempt at writing for others to get insight into my world.
Me: OK, God, what do you want my first post to say? Maybe...why in the world I'm blogging in the first place.
God: Yes, I think you should tell them.
Me: I'll sound like a nut, but let's go for it.
Me: Here I go...
Me:...
God: Well?
Me: I'm begrudgingly (thank you spell check ) doing this because you told me to.
God: Why am I telling you to blog?
Me: Because there are special moments worth sharing and they may inspire others.
God: What sounds so nutty about that?
Me: Because I worry about what people think. Wow! That just came right out.
God: Pausing with a sweet smile on His face.
Me: I'm a recovering thinkaholic, so I'm not surprised of my initial worry.
God: What else worries you?
Me: UGH! Are really making me say this in front of my reader?!
God: Only if you want to. And, nice try with the "one reader" comment. Try thousands of listeners.
Me: My guts are free styling right now. I often think, "Who am I? Who am I to share my thoughts? I'm not special. I'm not worth hearing from. I'm nobody with nothing special to say."
God: And...
Me: And, what?
God: What other lies are you believing?
Me: Oh...You mean the fact that writing has never been my strength?
God: Yes. That one.
Me: God, you know the facts. You saw my grades throughout school. Actually, You can read my mind and it's filled with both fragmented thoughts tangled up with run-on sentences. Nothing seems to make sense. I can hear Grandpa Ouellette's silly response, "that's d-u-m-m, dumb!"
Now you want me to trust You that I can love others well through my writing? If my reader knows me, and I'm guessing that person (cough Ryan) does, he'll know that I should stick to speaking and even then, do so cautiously.
Shall I go on?
God: Nope. That does it. Great job!
Me: Great job? I haven't done anything yet.
God: Oh, but you have.
As I read this first post nearly 6 years later, I see how God masterfully and lovingly coached me through my fears. It took time to get comfortable believing in the truth God already knew about me, but the important thing is I took faithful steps forward even though I was afraid.
Ultimately, I started thinking of others more and less about me. Loving others well is always worth the risk.
Shalom!
I would love to connect with you:
What lies might you be believing that is holding you back from loving others well?
What would you do if you weren't afraid?
I love this! It surprises me that I share your thoughts (lies) so identically. Perhaps it’s not just you and me though, right? I’ve always thought I’m the only one struggling with “not bring good enough”. Stupid Satan, of course he wants us to convince us of this right? You have kick started me to begin journaling. I’ve struggled with where to begin, what do I say? Asking myself, actually asking God🥰, questions is brilliant! Thank you Tara, for opening yourself up to all of us so well, so authentically, so brilliantly expressive (TAKE THAT SATAN😂👍🏻❤️) Jeanne Marie XXXOOO